Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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