Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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