Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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