Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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