The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Im part way to drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
