I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
