And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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