so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
