she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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