Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
