so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
