I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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