I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
