my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Buhtt sex?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
