Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
