hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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