You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
