dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
