I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
