big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize