like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
