bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
