what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
are you so shy because you have an std?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
