drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize