Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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