I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
then he tried to convert me to islam
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
