I accidentally burped into my bong.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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