Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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