i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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