There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
