Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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