This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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