I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's rum buckets o'clock
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
