Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
50% drunk capacity currently
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
