But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's get the cat blown out
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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