This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
