girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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