I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
