My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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