Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
