nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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