when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
