Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
