Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My penis needs a shock collar
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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