My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
