I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Randomize
