I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
