nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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