I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I look better un-naked...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
