its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
