Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
