u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
