I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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