It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
