if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He did a backflip because drugs
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
