ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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