Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize