She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize