you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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