I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize