Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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