First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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