i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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