it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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