my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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