Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize