watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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