This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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