he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
